My life experience is that God or Creator or whatever you want to call it does not have my back and never has. Therefore most things are a struggle. Other people don’t understand this because they have the experience of Life having their back, so when I tell them my experience I get this deer in headlights look because they honestly don’t get it. Just like I honestly don’t get how people easily support themselves and get to make choices about what they want to do instead of doing what they have to do to survive.
Why does everything I do seem to lead to failure? Or if not failure then success on a much lower level.
As a very basic example let’s say we were both offered a job. Let’s say that we are equally qualified or I am more qualified than you. In this scenario we are both offer the job but you get a 50% higher salary.
Or let’s say we both start a business. Mechanically we do everything exactly the same but at the end of 6 months your sales and profits are 50 times greater than mine. In fact I may be losing money while you are making a nice living.
Health situation. We both have the same condition and get the same treatment and you get better and I don’t.
I’m not going to go into relationships because it’s too complicated to try to give an easy example but let’s just say that mine have either been abusive or I get friendzoned. And men have really never been that interested in me anyway so I’ve probably had fewer relationships than most high school students.M
Thank you for reaching out, M
This is something many of us have been through in some form or another, and I personally have experienced something similar – the feeling that the world is against you, things are working out for everyone else, and you’re left in the dust. At the core of this, it’s a simple misunderstanding, a mix-up of goals that causes life to seem to be very – for lack of better words – shitty.
Most of us have been trained and taught throughout our lives that our circumstances lead to happiness. There is evidence for this we can draw from observing the situations of others and from our past personal experience. For example, we feel sad and lonely when nobody talks to us, we feel desperate when we have no money, etc. Because we believe that changing these circumstances will lead to a more fulfilling life (for example, attracting the perfect partner or getting rich), so much of our energy goes into trying to attain these circumstances we think will lead us to happiness. When we fail to make these circumstances happen, we get down on ourselves, feel like God or the world let us down or we let ourselves down.
In those moments, in that state of mind, it seems like this idea of life being heavenly is a pipedream at best – or at least reserved for only a lucky few.
But fundamentally this is all caused by a mix-up of fundamental goals. Although it seems to be the case, the underlying assumption that we’re living in the feeling of our circumstances is wrong, and that causes a cascade of misery that appears to take form in all areas of our lives.
It’s kind of like if you were tiling a floor and the cornerstone was wonky, and so the whole rest of the tiles didn’t fit properly. Then you got frustrated at the tiles around it and even though it was because of the cornerstone. So let’s open up this cornerstone and see if we see anything new.
So what’s the cornerstone issue then?
The cornerstone issue is quite simple, it’s an understanding of where our feelings are coming from (why we’re unhappy). While we think that ‘better’ circumstances will lead to happiness, we can only look upon others with jealousy who have those circumstances. While we’re invested in outcomes and circumstances, we are unable to be happy in the present moment.
When I first started out learning spirituality, I was very much into the law of attraction as a means to attract all the desires I wanted. Money, success, and so on. When I practiced what all the law of attraction gurus told me to do and only had mild success with very small things, I knew I had to look deeper.
Even modern spirituality, in this sense, still revolves around the idea that attainment of circumstances is the ultimate goal. It still revolves around the idea that the achievement of certain particular outcome in form, in the world, is what we’re really looking for. It sits on the assumption that we think we want is will actually bring us a feeling of fulfillment.
When I really investigated this, I came to a junction, a decision point, where I had to decide what I wanted more: happiness, peace of mind, ease or the attainment of the goals I thought would make me happy.
See the contradiction there? It was a slow process for me of handing over my dreams and goals. At first, I saw it as a loss. Like I had to give up my favorite stuffed animal. It seemed unfair. But for every goal I handed over, for each thing I thought I needed to happen in order to be happy, in its wake I felt lighter and happier. It was like releasing restrictions on how my life ‘had’ to look like. And with every judgment of ‘why this moment isn’t good enough’ allowed to be released from my mind, ‘this moment’ began to look brighter and brighter.
The desire illusion is ultimately another trick of the ego. In truth we only have one desire, the desire for self-knowing, coming home to our true nature which is pure love, divine wisdom, and wellbeing. But even with some spiritual knowledge, the ego can sneak its way in and use spirituality to get its way at the expense of your happiness. The ego wants to accomplish its goals, and in doing so, it’s distracting you from attaining a peaceful and fulfilled state of mind in the present moment.
If the goal is based in outcomes, we’ll never be happy.
Happiness is actually something that happens as we bring our awareness back to our true nature. It’s eternal. It’s also a source of higher guidance, a connection to the intelligence of the interconnected energy of all of life.
So how can we experience present happiness?
Only through realizing that the only thing that can ever hold us away from happiness is a thought we are holding on to at the moment. If in this eternal ‘now’, you are fully committed to experiencing present happiness, and you are willing to let go of every thought that’s in the way, you will find it right here and now in this instant. The only thing that can be in the way is a thought. And as you let that thought pass, what’s revealed is a beautiful feeling. This is happiness. It’s the default state. It never leaves you, you just sometimes choose to entertain thoughts of opposing nature, and so it appears to leave.
There’s something important on this higher guidance topic. When you are in a state of ease, peace of mind, there is a stream of thought that is unified with all creation. It guides you through the world and is a source of divine providence (it feeds you and makes sure you have enough in your bank account for what you need, so-to-speak). But, in my experience, it doesn’t necessarily give you what your ego wants. There’s a saying that goes ‘the ego and spirit will never be co-creators‘. While it’s true that your needs at the level of form are taken care of when you follow the path of joy, you really have to open as to what that looks like.
That’s not because God doesn’t like you, it’s because your ego desires aren’t even your real desires. They’re nothing. Imagine you had a teenage daughter who wanted to be cool and smoke a cigarette because her friends were doing it. You wouldn’t really want her to smoke it, even though she thinks its her own desire, you know it’s just coming from a place of insecurity. Then you said no and she got mad at you, “you must not truly love me or something! It’s just a cigarette!”. Really you have her best interest in mind, and when her mind is quiet you’d be able to explain your reasoning and address her underlying insecurities, bringing her even more fulfillment than she would have got from a cigarette.
In the same way, what you think are your desires won’t provide any happiness or comfort. The Spirit knows what you’re actually seeking for, and it works on trying to make you become aware of what you really desire – all for your greater benefit.
You can think about it like this, from where you stand right here and now, spirit has a perfect path laid out for you, with every turn shimmering in beauty. Wonderful surprises – ones you couldn’t even have the slightest clue what they are. When I turned my intention towards present happiness, I was showered with miracles, but none of them were what I thought I wanted, yet they all brought me a huge amount of joy.
But you really need to surrender what that’s going to look like. That’s where people turn away from spirit, they say, “where’s the million dollars – I thought I was going to win the lottery? This is a sham.”
When this happens, sometimes we feel ripped off. But let’s peel that back carefully. The ego might say, “I tried this whole happiness thing and it didn’t work.” Didn’t work how? Because the ego judged the outcome based on how it thought it ‘should’ work. But were you happy? It’s funny to think of happiness as a means to get some stuff in the world. We only want that stuff to happy anyway. See the insanity of the goal reversal? But this exactly what the ego would have you believe – that happiness is no more than a means to get something done.
Ultimately though, we come back to mix-up of goals. Is your goal peace of mind, happiness, fun, and wellbeing? Is it joy? Or is it things and stuff?
Let’s do one more round of this.
You don’t really want stuff, and that’s what making you feel like a failure.
We think we want stuff, but we only think we want stuff when we’re thinking with the ego. And the ego masks the happiness that is our eternal birthright. What we really want is happiness. So the ego tells you to go get stuff and achieve things and says ‘you’ll be happy when you get that, trust me’. It tantalizes you with visions of future possibilities, symbols that represent your freedom and happiness. Like a horse chasing a dangling carrot, we chase those symbols. The rare times we actually get them, the happiness is fleeting. It comes for a moment, then we’re back to seeking mode. Meanwhile, the whole time, the ego is covering up the very freedom and happiness that God is giving you freely. It’s a trick!
The ego searches your memory and attaches symbols to states of mind. We might have felt joy when eating a mint chocolate ice cream for example, and then the ego calls it a ‘preference’. This means, to the ego, that if the next time we get mint chocolate ice cream, we can expect to feel happy. We then want to recreate that experience so we go back to buy mint chocolate ice cream, but joy does not work like that. Joy is a response to the presence of you following divine guidance.
The symbols are secondary to the state of mind. The symbols are an effect. They are an effect of a mind in tune with joy. When you are in a state of joy, the only thing you see around you have is an appreciation for what is. Everything your eyes gaze on is beautiful. A joyful mind sees symbols that reflect joy. And our state of mind can change from one thought to the next.
If you are very aware and observant, you will realize that those moments of joy had nothing to do with the symbols you associated them with, and only had to do with your willingness to let the ego thoughts slip away for a moment and feel the presence of God’s Love, which can only ever be obscured underneath a thought. The moment you see that, the ego’s game is undone and you can drop it and find present peace, present fulfillment, and present joy.
As long as you stay true to present happiness being your one goal, above all else, everything else falls into place perfectly. This is the perfect cornerstone. This is the cornerstone that has no agenda. It is not attached to outcomes. It is fulfillment. It’s the cornerstone that invites perfect guidance – given that you let go of what it’s supposed to look like, and trust that it has your best interest in mind. The more you allow yourself to experience present happiness, the more miracles you will see – but most likely they won’t be what you expect.
Start now. In this very moment to spend the rest of the day with a choice to be at peace. A negative thought is the only thing that can take away your peace. Peace is the default. You don’t need to ‘think your way to it’. Happiness is the default. It’s only ever one thought away. It’s not something you need to work for. It’s already built-in to you. It’s already here. Just let any thought of its opposite nature pass, no matter how convincing or identified you are with, you will find a beautiful feeling of peace here and now. Stay with that feeling. It’s your guide home. It’s what restores your mind towards experiencing all the joy life has to offer. And it’s offered to you right now and right here, forever.